WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
