Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
