i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
