So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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