Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
