can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've blown a few things in my day
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
