he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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