This house was built for laser tag.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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