and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
