i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
