tell your sister to shave her snatch
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
