He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
