Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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