You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
