Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
