my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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