hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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