the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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