So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
