it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
