I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
