Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
