please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize