That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
