I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
