She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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