um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk