We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.