You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
