If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT