i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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