I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
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Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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