I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
