Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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