shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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