she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
