Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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