I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
