We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
