Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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