so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
