Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize