he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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