fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
