Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
