I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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