I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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