Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
