Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
