There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
