I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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