9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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