What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
