He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
