I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
