PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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