Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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