Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
