I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
