I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
