i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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