Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
