Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
