But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
