Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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