i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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