get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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