Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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