but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
