at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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