I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You dont lie about slip and slides
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
