At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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