Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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