Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
