You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
