I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
