you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
