do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
