Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
