Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
