Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
