I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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