Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
